Stuff I think about : Vol 3
"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. "
~ Jerry Seinfeld
Welcome back! I think its time for me to take another stroll through the lesser-known parts of my brain and put forth another edition of the stupid crap I think about... aptly entitled "Stuff I think about: Vol 3"
And awayyy we go...
- I dont think I know a single person who, after doing #2, flushes the toilet while still sitting on it. Its best to avoid any splash up in my opinion, so the most effective method is to wipe, stand up, close the lid and flush. But where does that leave pulling one's pants up? And how are you to be sure that the flush was successful? (You see? I think about these things)
- The quality of my singing voice increases exponentially with the number of alcoholic beverages my audience has consumed. That, my friends, is a scientific fact.
- I find myself putting on weight this summer. How is that possible? Arent you supposed to be slimmer during the summer, thanks to the increased outdoor physical activity and what not? Its strange, and I was really perplexed as to why it was happening. Then I returned all of the empty beer bottles and cans to the recycle joint...
- If they slipped some ephedrin into beer, would anyone really notice? I mean, other than those with heart disease?
- How this happens I will never know, but for some reason, I have been sucked into watching the lowest of the low - for reality talent shows. "So You Think You Can Dance" (why is every word in that title capitalized?) is a show that should not interest me at all, but for some reason, I find myself watching it on the TiVo and saying ridiculously gay things like "oooh, that Paso Doble wasnt that good" or "Their lines were off there". Does this make me any less of a man? Yes. Yes it does. (Its a good think there is hot chicks on that show, or I would be in real trouble)
- Have you ever noticed the alarming similarities between people at sporting events... and cattle? Think about it for a second. We all file into an enclosed area, are led to a specific subsection of that area based on our tag (tickets), we all file to the feed trough at some point and continue to graze all game long, and when we leave we all jostle and push and crowd to get through the gates...
- I love YouTube
- This is the first of many years that a portion of my summer holidays from work will be determined by the holiday choice of the sitter who watches Paige. Am I happy about this? Not really, but it isnt the end of the world... I mean, the bottom line here is that I will not be at work... I just didnt get to choose when.
- When compiling the list of stupid things I have done in my life, the time I stole deli meat from over the counter of a Subway at 2am after drinking all night and ultimately got charged with theft for it will definitely make the list... and it will probably be somewhere near the top.
- Yes, it is sad when an insanely stupid thing like that will only be "near the top" of all the stupid things I have done in my life.
- But it is also funny.
- Why dont gophers do something productive with their lives? I mean, instead of digging holes in random farmers fields or in schoolyards, why dont they move near a potash mine or something?
- I bought some new sunglasses this past weekend. Nike's. They are pretty nice and everything, but how is it possible that a piece of molded plastic with two foldable arms is worth $119.99? I simply dont understand that. Nor do I understand how I simply paid that price without batting an eye.
- Anyone who says that winning the lottery wouldnt change them is lying... but I am willing to be a test subject...
- Has there been a better invention, with regard to improving life in an office, than the whiteboard and the dry erase marker? Sure, computers are good and everything, but have you ever tried to play pictionary using MS Paint?
On that stupid note -- I'll leave it at that for today...
Remember, I am still going to go see Superman Returns on the 28th and I plan on writing my first ever movie review on it... so be sure to come back and check that out...
Until Next Time...
~ Jerry Seinfeld
Welcome back! I think its time for me to take another stroll through the lesser-known parts of my brain and put forth another edition of the stupid crap I think about... aptly entitled "Stuff I think about: Vol 3"
And awayyy we go...
- I dont think I know a single person who, after doing #2, flushes the toilet while still sitting on it. Its best to avoid any splash up in my opinion, so the most effective method is to wipe, stand up, close the lid and flush. But where does that leave pulling one's pants up? And how are you to be sure that the flush was successful? (You see? I think about these things)
- The quality of my singing voice increases exponentially with the number of alcoholic beverages my audience has consumed. That, my friends, is a scientific fact.
- I find myself putting on weight this summer. How is that possible? Arent you supposed to be slimmer during the summer, thanks to the increased outdoor physical activity and what not? Its strange, and I was really perplexed as to why it was happening. Then I returned all of the empty beer bottles and cans to the recycle joint...
- If they slipped some ephedrin into beer, would anyone really notice? I mean, other than those with heart disease?
- How this happens I will never know, but for some reason, I have been sucked into watching the lowest of the low - for reality talent shows. "So You Think You Can Dance" (why is every word in that title capitalized?) is a show that should not interest me at all, but for some reason, I find myself watching it on the TiVo and saying ridiculously gay things like "oooh, that Paso Doble wasnt that good" or "Their lines were off there". Does this make me any less of a man? Yes. Yes it does. (Its a good think there is hot chicks on that show, or I would be in real trouble)
- Have you ever noticed the alarming similarities between people at sporting events... and cattle? Think about it for a second. We all file into an enclosed area, are led to a specific subsection of that area based on our tag (tickets), we all file to the feed trough at some point and continue to graze all game long, and when we leave we all jostle and push and crowd to get through the gates...
- I love YouTube
- This is the first of many years that a portion of my summer holidays from work will be determined by the holiday choice of the sitter who watches Paige. Am I happy about this? Not really, but it isnt the end of the world... I mean, the bottom line here is that I will not be at work... I just didnt get to choose when.
- When compiling the list of stupid things I have done in my life, the time I stole deli meat from over the counter of a Subway at 2am after drinking all night and ultimately got charged with theft for it will definitely make the list... and it will probably be somewhere near the top.
- Yes, it is sad when an insanely stupid thing like that will only be "near the top" of all the stupid things I have done in my life.
- But it is also funny.
- Why dont gophers do something productive with their lives? I mean, instead of digging holes in random farmers fields or in schoolyards, why dont they move near a potash mine or something?
- I bought some new sunglasses this past weekend. Nike's. They are pretty nice and everything, but how is it possible that a piece of molded plastic with two foldable arms is worth $119.99? I simply dont understand that. Nor do I understand how I simply paid that price without batting an eye.
- Anyone who says that winning the lottery wouldnt change them is lying... but I am willing to be a test subject...
- Has there been a better invention, with regard to improving life in an office, than the whiteboard and the dry erase marker? Sure, computers are good and everything, but have you ever tried to play pictionary using MS Paint?
On that stupid note -- I'll leave it at that for today...
Remember, I am still going to go see Superman Returns on the 28th and I plan on writing my first ever movie review on it... so be sure to come back and check that out...
Until Next Time...
Labels: stuff I think about
posted by The Captain at 6/26/2006 01:09:00 PM
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