One Fan's Review... "Superman Returns"

"Let's start with the big question, where'd you go?"
~ Lois Lane (Superman Returns)

One Fan's Review - "Superman Returns"

Now, recall my previous post on this subject when I rambled on about how excited I was to see this movie. Being a lifelong Superman fan, I was thoroughly giddy to see the Caped Wonder back on the big screen. So it was with great anticipation and a small slice of caution that I entered the theatre last night at 7:30pm.

First, let me just say that the theatre was friggin packed. I had to sit entirely too close to the screen, which actually lessened my viewing pleasure. Fucking people and their "these seats are saved" bullshit. I literally wanted to punch someone in the face last night.

Anyway, as the movie got underway (finally after about 28mins of commercials and previews - including one for Spiderman 3, whichs looks good) I was extremely pleased to see the old school credits and John Williams genius score being used to open the movie. I had goosebumps. Little did I know that the use of the original style credits was the beginning of an underlying theme of similarity and respect to the original Richad Donner films.

Let's break down the major pieces to this film to help me review it.

Cast:
Brandon Routh - Superman/Clark Kent
Grade: A
In a word? Fantastic. He more than filled the lofty expectations that were laid on him. In the non action sequences, his Superman was genuine and heartfelt and in the action scenes, he was superb. Superman needs to be played as straight-laced do gooder who never wavers in his position to fight for truth, justice and all that other stuff -- and Routh did that to a T. Now, was his Clark Kent simply an impression of Chris Reeve's genius role? Maybe. But what else could he do? And even if it were, it didnt take anything away from the film. And thats saying something. I really look forward to Routh reprised this role in the forthcoming sequel(s).

Kevin Spacey - Lex Luthor
Grade: A-
In a word? Wicked. You had to know that Spacey was going to bring the ruckus to this role, and it got going in the first scene, where he cons his dying "wife" into leaving him her entire fortune, and then coldly leaves the room mere seconds after she signs the will and passes away. After that he gets into Lex mode, preparing to take over the world in diabolical Lex Luthor fashion. But his best scenes come when he has the annoyed look of utter disdain on his face as he is dealing with his bumbling crew of ruffians. Also, when he and Kitty Kowalski are in scenes together, it brings back vivid memories of Hackman and Perrine (Miss Tessmacher), only Posey's Kowalski is far more sarcastic and tough. Spacey did a great job with the Luthor role, he was funny, his dialogue was razor-sharp and his hatred for Superman was pure.

Kate Bosworth - Lois Lane
Grade: C
In a word? Okay. Before I saw the film, I had heard all the critics say that Bosworth was a little too young to be believable as the tough as nails reporter -- and mother to a 5 yr old. I went in with an open mind, but to be honest, they were right. Quite simply, she looked too young. Her acting was great, but I just couldnt get past the fact that she looks about 20yrs old. Some of her dialogue was cringe-worthy, but in the majority of her scene's with Superman, there was great chemistry.

The rest of the cast shakes out like this, in my opinion:

Sam Huntington - Jimmy Olsen: A+ ; His comedy was fantastic, and his man-crush on Clark Kent was hilariously obvious.

Parker Posey - Kitty Kowalski: B+ ; The dark comedy was a good counterpoint to Lex, but the way she fell apart in the end was simply too Tessmacher-esque.

James Mardson - Richard White: B- ; In the scenes where he was trying to get Lois to talk about Superman, you could really feel his jealousy and concern that his fiancée was still in love with Superman. But in the other scenes, he was just a hollow, generic male character.

Tristan Lake Leabu - Jason White: C ; Lois' son spent most of the movie staring off into space. It was distracting almost, but the twist with him was one that I didnt see coming. As I think back on the film though, there were signs, and I applaude Singer's direction for the subtlety of those signs.

Kal Penn - Stanford: F ; I have no idea why he was even credited in this movie. He didnt have a single line of discernable dialogue and his character was so completely pointless that his death was hardly noticeable.

Special Effects / CGI:
I am not kidding when I say that the special effects and visual imagery in this film is vastly superior to anything else I have seen. The only films that comes close are the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Superman's flying scenes are spectacular, so much so that you cant really tell that its CG. I'm not kidding, the effects in this movie are amazing. It is exactly how you think it should look. I mean, if you imagine how it should look for a man to stop a plane from crashing into a baseball stadium, it should be pretty amazing right? Right... and it is. Believe me, it is.

Also, the closing scenes are excellent. If you recall how all of the previous Superman films ended - with Superman flying around the world looking around and eventually flying past the camera with that little smile on his face - well, that is precisely how this one ended. It was the final tip fo the cap to the movies that came before, and I think it was icing on the cake. Routh's flying in that scene is spot on to Reeve's, and again I have to applaude Bryan Singer to including that. Bravo.

Plot:
Okay, listen. If anyone goes into this movie expecting a deep plot with various twists and turns, then you are going to be disappointed. Seriously though, its Superman for crissakes. The plot is standard superhero fare. It lays out like this. Superhero spends time saving lives and kicking butt, arch villian starts causing trouble and kidnaps superhero's love, superhero tries to stop villian but gets hurt and you are doubting if he can do it, superhero somehow summons the strength/powers to vanquish villian and save the world, superhero is hurt during this climactic world-saving scene, villian gets away, superhero is thought dead but recovers, world rejoices. Done and done. Of course there are bumps and little twists along the way, but thats pretty much how it goes in most superhero movies. And to be honest, I would expect nothing less.

Also, please spare me the questions of logic and/or incontinuity. You have to check those parts of your brain at the door somewhat when you enter a Superman (or superhero) movie. I cant stand it when people are like "why did it take him so long to catch upto that plane if he can fly around the world in like 5 seconds?" One word loser - drama. But again I commend Singer and his staff for making a film that didnt require the movie-goer to stomach too many scenes that dont make sense (logically speaking).


The Bottom Line:
The bottom line here is that this is a fantastic summer blockbuster type film that should make oodles of money in the theatres. But amongst the dizzying action and fantastic effects lies a story of heartache, sorrow and deep emotion. Honestly, I didnt think that they could do that with a Superman film, but they did, and they did it well.

Overall this movie was extremely entertaining to watch and it has more than rejuvinated a once dead movie franchise. I'm not sure they could have done a better job of bring back the Man of Steel than they did. It's not often that I will see a movie twice in the theatre, but I will be seeing this movie again. It's that good - and I'm not just saying that because I am such a huge fan of the Man of Steel... okay maybe I am.

Final Grade: A+

Stuff I think about : Vol 3

"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. "
~ Jerry Seinfeld

Welcome back! I think its time for me to take another stroll through the lesser-known parts of my brain and put forth another edition of the stupid crap I think about... aptly entitled "Stuff I think about: Vol 3"

And awayyy we go...

- I dont think I know a single person who, after doing #2, flushes the toilet while still sitting on it. Its best to avoid any splash up in my opinion, so the most effective method is to wipe, stand up, close the lid and flush. But where does that leave pulling one's pants up? And how are you to be sure that the flush was successful? (You see? I think about these things)

- The quality of my singing voice increases exponentially with the number of alcoholic beverages my audience has consumed. That, my friends, is a scientific fact.

- I find myself putting on weight this summer. How is that possible? Arent you supposed to be slimmer during the summer, thanks to the increased outdoor physical activity and what not? Its strange, and I was really perplexed as to why it was happening. Then I returned all of the empty beer bottles and cans to the recycle joint...

- If they slipped some ephedrin into beer, would anyone really notice? I mean, other than those with heart disease?

- How this happens I will never know, but for some reason, I have been sucked into watching the lowest of the low - for reality talent shows. "So You Think You Can Dance" (why is every word in that title capitalized?) is a show that should not interest me at all, but for some reason, I find myself watching it on the TiVo and saying ridiculously gay things like "oooh, that Paso Doble wasnt that good" or "Their lines were off there". Does this make me any less of a man? Yes. Yes it does. (Its a good think there is hot chicks on that show, or I would be in real trouble)

- Have you ever noticed the alarming similarities between people at sporting events... and cattle? Think about it for a second. We all file into an enclosed area, are led to a specific subsection of that area based on our tag (tickets), we all file to the feed trough at some point and continue to graze all game long, and when we leave we all jostle and push and crowd to get through the gates...

- I love YouTube

- This is the first of many years that a portion of my summer holidays from work will be determined by the holiday choice of the sitter who watches Paige. Am I happy about this? Not really, but it isnt the end of the world... I mean, the bottom line here is that I will not be at work... I just didnt get to choose when.

- When compiling the list of stupid things I have done in my life, the time I stole deli meat from over the counter of a Subway at 2am after drinking all night and ultimately got charged with theft for it will definitely make the list... and it will probably be somewhere near the top.

- Yes, it is sad when an insanely stupid thing like that will only be "near the top" of all the stupid things I have done in my life.

- But it is also funny.

- Why dont gophers do something productive with their lives? I mean, instead of digging holes in random farmers fields or in schoolyards, why dont they move near a potash mine or something?

- I bought some new sunglasses this past weekend. Nike's. They are pretty nice and everything, but how is it possible that a piece of molded plastic with two foldable arms is worth $119.99? I simply dont understand that. Nor do I understand how I simply paid that price without batting an eye.

- Anyone who says that winning the lottery wouldnt change them is lying... but I am willing to be a test subject...

- Has there been a better invention, with regard to improving life in an office, than the whiteboard and the dry erase marker? Sure, computers are good and everything, but have you ever tried to play pictionary using MS Paint?

On that stupid note -- I'll leave it at that for today...

Remember, I am still going to go see Superman Returns on the 28th and I plan on writing my first ever movie review on it... so be sure to come back and check that out...

Until Next Time...

Superman Returns!

"They are a great people Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way."
~ Jor-El (Superman : The Movie)


For those of you who know me, you will know how insanely stoked I am about the forthcoming Superman flick entitled "Superman Returns" - coming out June 28. I have been a huge Superman fan my entire life, and I cant wait to see this movie on opening night.

I hold the original Superman movie, aptly named Superman : The Movie, in such high regard, that I have repeatedly crowned it a landmark in cinematic achievement, not based upon effects, plot or storylines, but based on how that movie told the perfect story of Superman, and did it stunningly, considering it was released in 1978.

Consider the cast:
Christopher Reeve - flat out brilliant. He is the standard by which all future Supermen will be measured. It is a gross understatement to say he was, is and always will be the perfect Superman.

Margot Kidder - palpable. She played Lois Lane exactly how she needed to be played. Toughness with a touch of vulnerability whos knees melted when the caped wonder was near. She would have been great in the following films had she not aged faster than a sliced apple... jeezus she looked rough in the rest of the flicks -- they even had to resort to the 1960s softening shots when she had closeups because her skin looked like a defalted balloon.

Marlon Brando - excellent. Commanded the screen to such ends that his role of Jor-El will be reprised in this newest installment of the Man of Steel. Its saying something when one line can harken such vivid memories of a singular (albeit brief) role and that today's movie would be lesser if it didnt include him.

Gene Hackman - spectacular. So perfectly cast that it was almost a detriment. I only wish he had donned a bald head for these movies - as opposed to that ridiculous Tony Montana-esque wig. His wicked humour and profound believability as Lex will make it very tough for Kevin Spacey to fill his shoes.

The rest of the bit players were fantastic too: Jackie Cooper as Perry White, Glenn Ford and Phyllis Thaxter as Jonathon and Martha Kent, Terrence Stamp as Zod (briefly) and even Marc McLure as the annoying Jimmy Olsen.

The only people I didnt like in the film were Ned Beatty as Otis (Otisburgh? OTISBURGH?) and Valerie Perrine as Ms Tessmacher -- both were pointless characters who could have and should have been cut from the start. And dont even say how Ms Tessmacher saved Superman at the end of the flick by kissing him and making a deal to save his life -- that could have been done a number of ways.

Anyway -- that movie was so good that it stands the test of time to this day - special effects and all. I would (and do) watch that movie again and again and again... the whole helicopter rescue scene at the beginning hooks me in every single time without fail. I wish I were kidding.

Superman II followed closely on the successful heels of the first movie in 1980. While this movie was mired in legal grumblings and struggling storytellers, it still managed to hold up and make a very very good showing at the box office. The plot has some holes, mainly due to the fact that they switched directors 2/3rds of the way through the film, but that doesnt take away from the overall effect of the movie. It was still awesome. Remove the lame "giving up my powers for mortal love" drawn out storyline and it would rival the first movie in its greatness. The three baddies from The Phantom Zone were fantasticly evil, led by Stamp again as General Zod ("Kneel before Zod"), and their battle in downtown Metropolis was the best part of the movie.

Now this is where the 2006 version of Superman comes in. From what I can gather, the basic premise is that Superman left town (=Earth) not long after the big scrap with Zod and company in search of his home planet of Krypton, which he believed (with the help of some astronomers) to still be in existance. 5 years later, Superman returns to find Lex Luthor out of jail and exceedingly wealthy (thanks to his late heiress wife), Metropolis more or less the same and the Daily Planet still buzzing. The big difference is that Lois Lane is now engaged to the nephew of Perry White (Jack) and she is the mother to a 4 or 5 yr old son (conveniently aged, no?).

Superman/Clark Kent gets back into the swing of things, you know, balancing that whole secret identity stuff, saving lives, taking notes, etc. However, during this, he has to win back the favour of a scorned Lois, who claims that the world does not need a savior (this would be Superman for those of you who are falling behind), and in essence, neither does she.

Lex gets down to business by reviving the old Fotress of Solitude and causes trouble by harnessing the power of the now defunct Krypton and all its mighty Kryptonian technology (remember those cool green crystals?).

The rest of the flick will undoubtedly be Hollywood standard issue with a Bryan Singer signature flavour (and I am so glad he is directing this movie) -- Superman vs Lex with the world at stake, and somehow Lois Lane is caught up in the middle. How it ends, well, we'll all just have to parade to the theatre to find out.

From the dozen or so trailers and clips I have seen and ten or so reviews I have read, this movie will be a blockbuster, there is no doubt of that. Will it be received well by those venemous critics? We'll see. But I can tell you this... I'll be there to see for myself... and when I do, I'll give you the fully fan biased opinion of this movie... this movie I have been waiting 26 years to see... I just hope it was worth the wait.

Seriously... who hits a deer?

I do -- that’s who.

So I'm driving home from our softball game last night, the wife, Paige and I are cruising Northbound on Lewvan right by those ball diamonds that are just South of Regina Ave. We are casually talking about my looming trip to Edmonton this weekend, and I turned to look in the back seat to see what Paige had in her hands. Then all of a sudden -- BAM! Badaboomthumpboom! I look to the passenger side to see short haired brown flesh whip past. I gain control of the CR-V, slow it down and pull over -- all the while looking to the front corner of the passenger side to see what kind of damage there is. As I pull over I see this poor bastard of a dumbass runt idiot deer laying in the middle of the lane on Lewvan Drive. Luckily for us, Chad and Candice were following us (as we were en route to Dairy Queen for a little celebratory blizzard action) so they pull over as well.

I get out of my car to survey the damage. It is substantial in its range, but minimal in its severity. A nice touch was the large amount of deer hair caught in the plastic of the wheel well. A nice little reminder indeed. After getting our wits about us and making sure everyone is ok - Paige's eyes were as big as saucers at this point, she didn’t know what the hell was going on - we figure its best to call the Police to have them come get this deer of the Lewvan before someone else hits it, and as I am on the phone with Regina's Finest, 3 or 4 more vehicles decide to stop and view the spectacle. In my opnion, it takes a special kind of person to stop on the Lewvan to see whats going on with a half-dead deer in the middle of the road. And by special I mean odd -- in that creepy does he have human body parts in his fridge kind of way. And yes, by this time, the deer had come around and had even tried to get up and flee the scene - but when it did, its hind legs buckled like the Oilers and it continued to lay there. The Police are about to transfer me to the Dept of Highways to get ahold of a Conservation Officer, and now the crew of onlookers includes Mr. Creepy, a couple younger guys who are talking about "that’s an easy way to hunt" and another older cat. This last older dude claims to have a .22 in the hatch of his 03 Hyundai Tiburon and reportedly asked the Police if he could shoot the deer himself. Shoot the deer himself?? Who does this guy think he is - Jack Bauer?? The Police told him No - thank Christ too, because he had a wild look in his eye - and I'll be honest when I say it was the first time I had ever been afraid of anyone driving a Tiburon (HI-OH!).

Anyway, the clock keeps ticking and Mr. Creepy decided he is going to kneel beside this poor deer and pet it for some reason. I don’t know if he was a deer whisperer of some sort, or if he just had a thing for animals with numerous broken bones and serverly damaged internal organs. Now I'm a compassionate guy, but I think I would think twice before I decided to kneel down and gently stroke the side of a dying deer - IN THE MIDDLE OF EFFING LEWVAN DRIVE!

After about another 5 minutes, the deer finally lifts its head up and looks around - at me. I swear to God he knew it was me that hit him because he gave me a blank stare. I don’t know what it meant, but it was distinct in its blankness. After giving me the eye - the deer hobbles up to its feet - sorry - hooves and again tries to scamper away - across the Lewvan. If you ever thought that scene in Bambi was cute where Bambi just starts to learn to walk - well, believe me - if they ever do a scene where Bambi tries to walk after being hit by a 05 CR-V, its not cute. Its sad and a little disturbing. This poor deer's legs where crossed up like a yoga instructer as it hobbled across Lewvan (amazingly avoiding more traffic) and then it came to its final resting spot in the ditch on the far West side of Lewvan.

Well, the cops finally arrive - and the dude in the Tiburon and the loaded weapon in the back decides its time for him to take his leave, and as they survey the scene in their copl-like fashion, I calmly ask if they need me to do anything or if I can get the hell outta dodge before they take their glocks to Bambi's head. The coppers write me up an accident report for SGI purposes - apparently because blood, spit and deer hair all along the passenger side of my vehicle wouldn’t be enough to make an adjuster believe I hit a deer. As they finish up, the Conservaion Officer rolls up, at which time Mr. Creepy takes off too, leaving only myself, Chaddy and these two younger hunter-types who keep saying things like "They better put that thing down" and "Give me your sidearm, I'll do it - I probably have better aim than you anyway - ah-hyuck".

And while I was curious to see these officers in action and to see them put this poor deer down, I decided to take off -- I mean, we still had to get to Dairy Queen for our celebratory blizzard! We had to celebrate not only our ball game win - but my first kill as well!

(Oh yeah - and one more thing. A little cherry on top of this little story is that the ball diamonds that are right beside where I hit this deer - yup, they were packed with kids 12 and under. I can only imagine the horror. They were probably like - "look Mom a deer!" - then BAM… then tears... then therapy and the removal of that Bambi poster from their bedroom wall.)

I hope you enjoyed this story - as it is another tale in the classic series of "Chris Zimmer and The Worst Luck Possible" -- look for my forthcoming volume entitled "The Time I Threw Away the Winning Lottery Ticket".

signed,
Big Buck Hunter
whoneedsariflewhenyouhaveacr-v@lewvandrive.sk.ca