Nickelback : the bane of the music industry

You want to know why Nickelback sucks so hard? Look no further than their atrocious lyrics. This stuff is so canned, it may as well have SPAM stamped on it. Ugh...

Just for shits and giggles, lets do a lyrical analysis on one of their popular songs, "Photograph".

Photograph : Nickelback

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head
-Uhh... yeah... nice line there. "What the hell is on Joey's head"? Who wrote this drivel? God, I think I am going to puke and we are only one verse in.

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out
-For the love of all things music related, tell me how these guys are even accepted, let alone adored? They didnt even rhyme in this verse, they literally used the same words to end each line.

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
-Oh, look out, this is where Chad Kroeger lays out his street cred. So, they go from using the same words to rhyme lines in the previous verse, to not even rhyming in this one? I would like to see these guys taken hostage by Al Queda.

I wonder if It's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in
-Should I go back and try to graduate? Why? Take some GED courses you fucking douche. If life is better now then it was back then, why would you want to go back? God I hate Nickelback.

Oh oh oh
Oh god I
-My sentiments exactly.

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
-Is it just me? Or does this chorus make absolutely no sense? What are these dipshits trying to say here? I have some memories, I found a photo, but now its time to say goodbye? Say goodbye to what? I'm going to vomit.

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down
-More street cred and bad lyrics. Maybe that is what "Nickelback" translates to in Latin or something.

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
-The only semblance of lyrical thought in the entire song. Too bad it could have come from a 4th grade girl.

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when
-Seriously? Were they sitting around "writing" this "song" and got stuck on kissed, so they came up with "I nearly missed"? Oh Oh Oh... Oh God I...

Oh oh oh
Oh god I
-Cant believe they sell this tripe and call is music.

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
-Right... still not sure what this means...

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it

So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
--The almighty bridge to the big finale... gah... I miss it now, I cant believe it, so hard to stay, too hard to leave it... hmm... so, earlier in the "song", you led the listener to believe that you had already left... are you gone or are you stuck here longing for someplace else? You know what? I don't even want to know. Just get the hell out of my head.

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
-What? What wouldn't change? The fact that you are a bunch of no-talent losers who's "music" sounds exactly the same, regardless of what crappy "song" you are playing? Oh, OK.

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
-Goodbye. Please leave. Get the hell out of here.

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me
-They obviously ran out of ideas here. They couldnt rhyme with laugh and didnt have the energy to start another line, so they just trail off with this one. Have I mentioned that I hate Nickelback? Here is my advice, don't look at this photograph. Don't listen to crappy music. Don't buy or download anything that these fucktards put out. Save your money, and your sanity.