Hockey... a foreign sport to a Canadian?

"Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept. "
~Doug Larson


Hockey. Ice Hockey.

The elegantly brutal sport that every self-respecting Canadian lives and breathes for.

It may not be our national sport, but its our national passion.

So why, why do I not know how to play it? I mean, I am an athletic young Canadian man who played every sport when I was younger. When it came to organized sports, I played football, baseball, basketball, volleyball, track. But I never played hockey. Now, dont get me wrong, I know how to skate, and, I have to admit, that I actually know how to play hockey (object : put puck in goal), but am I good at it?

Nope.

Am I remotely skilled at it?

Nope.

Am I okay with that?

Nope.

It kills me that I never played hockey as a kid. While I am sure that at the time I would have cursed all those early morning prior to school practices, I still wish I would have played. I guess I can blame my parents for that... as they never let me go into hockey. They told me it was due to having athsma as a child, when actually, I think it was because hockey equipment and fees cost so frigging much.

So I guess I blame them for not putting me into hockey, but I dont blame them for their reasons. Money doesnt grow on trees you know. Well, not directly anyway.

Regardless of where I place the blame, it still kills me that I suck so bad at the only truly Canadian sport. I mean, what kind of Canuck am I? Me not being able to play hockey is like a Chinese kid not being able to play ping pong, or a French kid not being able to hold their liquor at the age of 10.

And yes, I realize the gross cultural generalization I just put put there, but I think its necessary to prove my point. I mean, a Canadian that cant play hockey? Preposterous. (I honestly dont think I have ever typed that word in my life... )

Now, in my own defense, I have to say that I am not totally inept on skates. Only partially.

Put me out there with other people who never played organized hockey in their entire lives, and I might look okay. Hell, I might even look like I know what I'm doing.

But put me out there with guys who have played hockey in their lives? Christ, I look like I belong in the Special Olympics. (no offence to those who actually compete in the S.O. -- more power to you!)

Maybe I do.

So, the point to all this, is that my workmates and I have organized a rec hockey game to take place next Friday night (yes, one night before the next big poker game, and no, I havent forgotten that I have vowed to win)... and while this game will be another chance for me to display my ineptitude on ice, I still think it should be fun.

Fun I say because it turns out that there are more like me than I realized. In fact, it turns out that only a handful of the people coming out to this game actually play or played hockey, while the rest of us Information Technology nerds didnt.

There is a legitimate chance that there might be someone as bad or worse than me out there... so, in the immortal words of Carl Spackler -- "So I guess I got that goin' for me..."

I'll let you all know how it goes... I'm sure it will be a story worth telling...

Until Next Time...